Aloneless is a good thing

Confessions are hard because they reveal how vulnerable we are. But confessions are important because they make us look deeper within ourselves for answers that point us to a bigger purpose.

Here’s a deeply personal and truthful journal entry which I entered recently:

I'm afraid of being alone. I make my way to places like coffee shops, bookstores, upscale grocery stores like Whole Foods so I fit in the crowd and I don't appear friendless. I see people laughing with their families, friends, co-workers and wonder why of all people, am I alone? Me, an extrovert with no lack of friends? I have over 3,000 friends on Facebook, over 300 people on my phone contact list, but why is it that when my husband goes snowboarding in Tahoe and I don't go because I don't like winter sports, I find myself flying solo and melancholic?

I believe that everything happens for a reason. When Jason picked up snowboarding and started frequenting the ski slopes of Lake Tahoe almost every weekend, leaving me home alone and feeling forlorn and friendless, I started doing things by myself. Consequently, I learnt to enjoy my time alone and doing the things I normally would not have done with his company - like reading and writing.

Over time, with frequent practice, these times alone no longer scare me. In fact, they are precious and I desire them now because they are my quiet space to work on and hone my craft. I value progress, so every day of mere existence without producing good work I deem a waste of time. Having these quiet times to myself to read and write produce enormous satisfaction that no company could satisfy.

Why do I share this confession, exposing my vulnerability, and what some might brush off as “first world problem” (you know, boredom - which people in disadvantaged situations do not have privy to)? I share things for one purpose and one purpose only - so that someone else could identify with and relate to, and be encouraged to know they’re not alone, and that someone else somewhere in this world feels or goes through the exact same thing as they do, and they could seek solace in that shared experience and pick themselves up from their quandary, see the light and carve out solutions to lift them out of their darkness. I know I have, reading the vulnerable experiences of others, and likewise, I hope to help one, even if it’s just one person through this honest sharing.

On the Golden Gate Bridge, approaching the enigmatic city of San Francisco where I live, on a beautiful spring day at dusk.